Do you ever feel like no matter how much you rest, your body never really lets go?

Maybe you stretch, meditate, or get massages, but the relief is fleeting. You feel like you should be able to release tension easily… yet somehow, your body doesn’t cooperate.

If this feels familiar, you’re not broken. It’s actually very human: your brain and nervous system are doing exactly what they’re designed to do. The very systems that keep you alive and safe are also the ones that maintain tension — even when it feels frustrating.

You want your body to relax, yet your nervous system keeps you alert. You want ease, yet your system insists on readiness. This paradox is normal — it’s your biology speaking.

Why Pushing Harder Backfires

Many people I see live in a state of constant pushing, trying, and fighting their way forward. Maybe it’s about feeling safe, maybe it’s cultural conditioning — the belief that if you don’t know how to do something perfectly, the answer is to push harder.

I used to be this way too. I trained a lot — until my background tension got so high that I literally couldn’t walk properly anymore. I know how it feels to be trapped in a body that doesn’t let go.

Tension isn't your fault

Here’s something to consider: your tension isn’t a personal failing. It’s a systemic response. Your muscles aren’t the problem — they’re just following instructions from your nervous system.

If you have tight neck or back muscles - they are just a symptom. They're not the cause.

The good news about this is that brains are plastic. They can change. And they can change quickly if the conditions are right. It's possible for you to learn how to have a body that feels comfortable and at ease. You can live in a way that it feels simple and enjoyable to just sit there and breathe naturally deep breaths. You can walk up stairs or sleep in your bed in a way that feels like your body is happy to do so.

Maybe even just hearing that is a relief. And I know it's true because I've felt it myself. And I've seen it happen for many of my clients.

The truth is, your brain can feel safe and content in the world, just the way you are right now.

The way to get there requires some learning and some practice.

To give you some idea of what that journey looks like. I'll give you a couple of the key ideas that it's necessary to embody in order to feel this level of ease and freedom.

Ease is a practice

In strength training and pretty much any sort of athletic endeavour, the mantra is that you need to continually push your limits. If you did 30 pushups this week, you need to do 32 or 35 next week. In this way, you build up your capacity to do work.

But have you ever tried to "push the limits" of your ease?

What if you had to do reps of a movement, but each time aiming to make it simpler and gentler and easier than the last.

Our nervous systems are built upon patterns or habits. If we practice a particular pattern, it gets easier to us.

If we practice ease, it starts to feel more natural and it becomes our normal.

Just like it’s natural to push harder when you want to improve strength, it’s also natural to resist letting go of tension when your nervous system feels it needs you alert.

The paradox is that the very practice of easing can initially feel like “not doing enough,” even though it’s exactly what your system needs.

Your Body and Mind are A System

Have you noticed how it's difficult to tell if the tension you feel is physical or emotional?

Maybe sometimes it feels more physical, maybe others more emotional. Maybe if you didn't sleep well, your body will feel tighter the next day.

This isn't some weird mistake. Since the tension in your body is governed at a central location (ie: your brain) it makes sense that everything affects it.

The truth is, your emotions, your thoughts, your relationships, your food intake, your injuries, your traumas, etc all influence the state of your nervous system.

And when you influence your nervous system in a way that supports it in coming back to calm, you will feel it in all of these domains too.

If you improve the ease of your movement, your muscle tone will soften, your thoughts will become more coherent, your emotional state will feel more positive and on and on...

A Simple Practice to Invite Deeper Relaxation

Here's something to try today to give you a sense of what it's like to relax at a nervous system level.

You might notice some resistance at first — your body may “want” to tighten again, or your mind might tell you this isn’t enough. That’s normal. The paradox is: by not pushing, you’re actually training your nervous system more deeply than by forcing movement.

1. Lie down and get as comfortable as you can. Use pillows or towels folded underneath your head and anywhere else you feel needs it. Take this step seriously, it makes a difference. With this type of support you're giving your nervous system cues that it is safe and it's okay to let go.
2. Firstly, pay attention to your breath so you have a baseline for comparison. How fast is it going? Which parts of your body move when you breathe and which parts stay still? How deep does your breathing feel?
3. Now put one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest.
4. Take a breath in and hold it. Don't inhale as deep as you can. Maybe 80% of your capacity. Nothing that feels too stressful. Now with a held breath, begin to move your torso in such a way that you move the air up into your chest. Your chest should expand and push your hand out. At the same time, your belly will pull in and your hand will move closer to your spine. Then reverse it so that you push your belly out and your chest goes in. Continue to do this movement alternating with your belly and chest going in opposite directions. Only do this a few times before exhaling again. You don't need to push the limits. Just take it easy.
5. Repeat this for several cycles - each time trying to do the movement with more ease and less effort. Don't push your limits of how far you can move your chest or belly. Just keep it simple and don't do your best!
6. Now just allow yourself to breathe naturally.
7. Pay attention to the way your breath feels now. How fast is it going? Which parts of your body move when you breathe and which parts stay still? How deep does your breathing feel?

If you are feeling more relaxed and at ease, even just a little bit - you can see how just a few minutes of "practicing ease" can have positive effects on your nervous system.

Remember how I said this was systemic. Notice if there's anything different about how you feel in general. Emotiions. Thoughts. Feelings. Physical comfort.

Feeling Good is Possible

As a former "tension-addict", I can attest to the fact that it's possible to change your patterns.

I used to feel a lot of chronic pain and chronic tension. I know that with some work you can reverse this situation and feel better in your body than ever before.

The encouraging thing is that it doesn't come from working harder. It comes from learning to work in harmony with your nervous system.

You can use curiosity and gentleness to develop a sweet and loving relationship with your body and it will have profound effects on your entire system.

Isn't it a relief to know that progress can come from doing less?